Chronic illness and the ableist attitudes

So, as of late, I have been getting a lot of chronic illness related posts on my Pinterest, and I honestly have never felt so seen before.

I found so many things that “able-bodied” or “ableist” people say, or do that I found resonated with me. It doesn’t go without saying that not all ableists are the same, or that some of you genuinely do not realise how some cognitions that you project cause harm. I have experienced the frustration, the anger, and the pity from your side one-too-many-times. I know it’s frustrating that I am always tired, or I fall sick too often, or that I do not have the same physical energy levels as you do. And in some cases, I know it’s crazy that I’m not getting better.

Honestly, I believe, at this stage in my life, this is the healthiest and the strongest my body is ever going to be. It is the harsh reality of the situation, but I am not going to be miraculously cured, no matter how many WhatsApp forwards you send me. My diabetes is going to be here, lifelong by my side, no matter how tired you get of it. Here’s something: If you get tired of seeing me go through this, imagine what I must go through.

If I am to be frank here, even the closest people to me do not realise what I go through in a day, because I have become so good at hiding it. And this is the case for not just me, but for every other person suffering with a chronic illness. The pain that we go through, the stress, the exhaustion, the physical, emotional, and mental strain, it gets to us. Every single day. But we rarely show it. And the general consensus is that the only times we end up showing the suffering, is when we are completely depleted. The saddest part of this is that it happens to us more than all of you in peak health, and it is still too much for you to handle.

I get it. I genuinely do. I wouldn’t be able to be around someone who is not at the same energy level as me for too long either. But I cannot help it. My body is too busy fighting to survive each day, and that consumes tremendous energy. That along with the fact that my mental hygiene is not at the same level as yours either. I am more prone to depression, anxiety, overthinking, etc., than “normal, healthy” people, because the trauma that my body went through at the age of 15, was not limited to its physical self.

The pain that this lifestyle brings is far more than what we show. Because honestly, if we were to show it, you wouldn’t be able to bear it. Our pain tolerance is higher than most people, and we have had to condition ourselves to function with the pain, every day, no matter what. And this couldn’t be better explained that this pin I found a couple of days ago:

Source: https://in.pinterest.com/pin/391602130115275287/

I am not sure how many of you know this, but we do not wait around to be symptom-free or the “good” days to do things. We quite frankly, cannot afford such a thing. We just wait till we can manage ourselves. And it includes things like socialising to running errands. This is so heartbreaking, but it is the reality. It is as real as the fact that I am not going to be cured. In fact, I will wind up with more health conditions, than get rid of them. My body is not as strong as yours, and while I understand that, I need you to understand it as well. I know it is difficult to fathom your body not being healthy. Because you haven’t been in pain for that long in your life. And that’s okay. I am glad you don’t know what it means.

I am not saying I am not grateful for your concern. I am, truly. But your concern will only last as long as your tolerance to my condition. This is frustrating, because the amount of insecurities it creates in my mind is insurmountable. Chronically ill people like me, we have support systems, but like I said, most of them don’t even know the extent of our pain. Most times even our doctors get tired of us. Honestly, we get tired of ourselves too.

All I urge you to do is, from today, if you ever come across someone who is chronically ill, don’t tell them “it gets better”, or get angry that they are not getting better. Just take a moment and understand that it takes a lot for us to feel safe around you to share our pain, we don’t do that easily ;).